For all of those who believe that when I momentarily sink into negativity that I am complaining . . . stop reading RIGHT NOW and come back tomorrow. This post is going to be negative.
All of my life I have been taught that I should rise above negativity in my life. When bad things happen, I should look at the positive side and try to make the proverbial lemonade out of life's "lemons." Putting a smile on my face was the way I should face negative events in my life and I should just "suck it up" and "move past it."
Generally, with a tiny bit of wallowing once in a while, I have managed to do all of these things. Despite my apparent negativity at a SD support group meeting, almost everyone who knows me struggles to think of times when I have been negative. I honestly try to deal with negativity by looking for the proverbial silver lining.
I have looked at negative people and tried to find the good in them. People who have tried to spread their negativity onto me have been viewed with a forgiving eye.
But . . .
Every once in a while - like now - I feel like taking in the negativity and holding it close letting it fester and grow for a while. I want to be negative and to look at the world in a non-Pollyanna way. I want to react with major passive aggression or just plain aggression. I want to get in the face of the negativity and out negative it. I want to tell negative people just how I really feel about their attitude and behavior. I want to punch people who tell me to "suck it up." I want to scream and cry and hit things. Maybe even throw an item or two.
I want to be negative. I want to be consumed by the feeling instead of trying to fight it back with positive thoughts.
I want to say whatever I want without thinking about how it will impact people who hear it. I want to tell the honest, brutal truth to people instead of either avoiding the comment or trying to find a way to "soften the blow." I want to tell people how they are inconsiderate and messing up my life!
I want to nestle in my negativity.
Is that wrong?
Voice Update: Things are good. My neck is still sore from the massage Susan gave me on Wednesday. I did a bunch of massage yesterday while watching a movie in Deaf Culture class. It was a bit painful but I did it!