Hi All!
Just a short "check in" to let you know that I haven't forgotten all of my bloggie friends! I have just been dealing with "stuff" like medicine and glasses and rehearsals for the play (which opens on Friday with my team interpreting!).
With everything going on - I haven't had a lot of time to think of things to blog about.
However, I will tell you about the new CD I got in the mail (for free!!) yesterday. It is from the people who publish Our Daily Bread - a devotional booklet. Of course, the CD is religious music - this one is "Favorite Hymns of the Summer." It is a bit late for summer but - it is FREE - and I am not going to complain!
The music is good and is perfect for times when I need to be in a more meditative and prayerful place.
The funny thing about the CDs - I have gotten several free CDs from this entity over the past couple years- is that my mother gets the devotional booklet as well and NEVER gets information about free CDs. I get the information all the time (well - probably two to three times a year). Since we both like music, it is a mystery how I got on the mailing list of people who "like music and would love free inspirational CDs" while Mom has not.
At least I send the CDs to Mom after I have uploaded them onto iTunes so she can enjoy them as well.
If you would like some devotional material and haven't found a good source yet, I highly recommend checking the RBS out. They have lots of stuff online and you can get the devotionals via email as well!
Trisha
Voice Update: Doing well. The other day a woman called me about the SD support group. I was mystified as to how she got my phone number since I have had it removed from all SD stuff for about a year now (has it been that long??). Apparently, she had an old flier from when I was support group leader. Anyway - I talked with her for about half an hour giving her information and places to find more information (NSDA is the best place). I wasn't comfortable doing this when I first called her back but it turned out okay. It doesn't make me want to return to my former role with the NSDA though!
Showing posts with label SD. Show all posts
Showing posts with label SD. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Beautiful Bergen
Hi All!
Hubby's cold and cough really spread well . . . to me! I am now sick. I am coughing and congested and have a headache. Lovely!
Yesterday I went to see Susan and things are still pretty good with my voice. Of course, the cold thing meant that my voice was a bit raspy and my throat was tight (I just can't do the massage as effectively as she can!) but, overall, things are good.
Susan and I did have a conversation about inhalation therapy (talking all on the inhale) and how it has helped several of her ABSD patients. She did mention that the patients who were helped (including me!) were the ones who really worked at the therapy and did what they were supposed to do. Wouldn't it be great if more people with ABSD could get therapy like I did and recover voice? Then again, I know Susan has many ABSD patients who refuse (!?!) to do the exercises and they don't improve as much as those who actually comply.
It is nice to know that I am not the only ABSD patient Susan has worked with who has done the therapy and have improved drastically! Maybe the SD community needs to take note of that when they start saying my improvement means I never had SD!
Enough of that.
We finally have a date for the installation of our oven - Friday afternoon! YEAH! Soon we will be able to bake. And, no doubt, once we have the ability, we won't want to!
Oh well!
Here is the first official stop on our cruise - Bergen, Norway.
We were supposed to go to Amsterdam but the weather made getting into the port dangerous so it was cancelled (much to my dismay!).
Enjoy the pictures of Bergen (including the ones showing what the weather was like when we first got off the ship!).
Isn't Bergen beautiful? We took the funicular up to the top of the mountain to take in the scenic views (after the downpour stopped!)
Hubby's cold and cough really spread well . . . to me! I am now sick. I am coughing and congested and have a headache. Lovely!
Yesterday I went to see Susan and things are still pretty good with my voice. Of course, the cold thing meant that my voice was a bit raspy and my throat was tight (I just can't do the massage as effectively as she can!) but, overall, things are good.
Susan and I did have a conversation about inhalation therapy (talking all on the inhale) and how it has helped several of her ABSD patients. She did mention that the patients who were helped (including me!) were the ones who really worked at the therapy and did what they were supposed to do. Wouldn't it be great if more people with ABSD could get therapy like I did and recover voice? Then again, I know Susan has many ABSD patients who refuse (!?!) to do the exercises and they don't improve as much as those who actually comply.
It is nice to know that I am not the only ABSD patient Susan has worked with who has done the therapy and have improved drastically! Maybe the SD community needs to take note of that when they start saying my improvement means I never had SD!
Enough of that.
We finally have a date for the installation of our oven - Friday afternoon! YEAH! Soon we will be able to bake. And, no doubt, once we have the ability, we won't want to!
Oh well!
Here is the first official stop on our cruise - Bergen, Norway.
We were supposed to go to Amsterdam but the weather made getting into the port dangerous so it was cancelled (much to my dismay!).
Enjoy the pictures of Bergen (including the ones showing what the weather was like when we first got off the ship!).
Isn't Bergen beautiful? We took the funicular up to the top of the mountain to take in the scenic views (after the downpour stopped!)dghk
At the top of the mountain we made friends with a large Troll.
sgj
What a visit!
fgjh
Trisha
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Tuesday Thoughts
Hi All!
Another day, another walk and another swim. The walk was ridiculously sweaty! I guess that is bound to happen when it is in the upper 80s at 7:00 A.M.! The swim was heavenly. The water was nice and cool (they must be adding water every morning to keep it cool) and I had the pool all to myself. I upped the lap count by one to 17 (!) and it felt good. I feel stronger each day I swim.
Of course, then I have to walk home and get all sweaty again!
Watering the flowers helps a bit since I can "accidentally" spray myself when I get too hot.
Mom pointed out that I didn't tell you all that I did buy a new oven to replace the clean, dead one. It has to be ordered because I am terribly unfashionable and want white instead of stainless steel (all of my other appliances are white and I don't want mismatched appliances AND I just don't fancy stainless steel too much. I know - that makes me a bit of a freak but . . . they just remind me too much of industrial cafeterias!). Anyway- the oven will be here - eventually! Until then it is a bakeless life for Hubby and me!
Speaking of Hubby. Last night he said something that triggered a memory for me.
We were watching a show called something like "Rick's Restorations" or something. Anyway - the man who does the restorations, Rick, apparently fascinated Hubby. He said "That guy just seems like a neat guy. I like him."
That comment - the "neat" part - reminded me of hearing my dad, the high school principal, talk about this kid or that kid and say that they were "neat." He would always say this with such admiration that I wanted to be a "neat kid" too. I wanted someone to look at me and say I was a "neat kid" with admiration - the way my Dad said it about these other kids.
Now, I am not saying that this has been the guiding principle of my life - to be "neat-" but, it has always been there in the back of my mind somewhere. Even when I was messing up colossally (and I do everything in a big way!). I wanted to make a positive impression on someone, somehow.
For a long time, I thought that I would make an impression as a teacher. I thought that parents and kiddos would look back on their time in my class and think that I was a "neat" teacher. Well, I am not really sure that I met that mark. Yes, I do have many students who still remember me fondly but did they think I was "neat?" I just don't know.
Once the whole teaching thing was taken from me due to my "dance" with SD, I found myself floundering in so many ways. In the midst of trying to deal with my voice and its sudden demands on my time and consciousness, I struggled with wanting to do something that people would appreciate and admire.
During my most intense dance with SD I was dedicated to spreading the word about SD to people. I started up a podcast to let people hear someone with an SD voice. Then I started this blog. The purpose for the blog was to talk about SD. Maybe, just maybe I could help someone with their own SD dance and they could (possibly!) think I was "neat."
However, both the podcast and the blog (at least the part focused on SD) lost momentum as my voice got better and more and more people expressed doubt about me even having SD. This really knocked the legs out from under me. I found myself struggling with all kinds of self-doubt and feelings of anger and frustration. I had worked so hard and so darn long to improve my voice and as soon as it was better (through the grace of God and a lot of hard work with a FABULOUS speech therapist) people had the nerve to tell me to my face that they thought I was a fake!
Definitely not thinking I was "neat," were they?
After much self-examination, I decided to veer away from my SD mission. Yes, I still have SD. I STILL HAVE SD. It won't go away. Even though my voice is WONDERFUL, I still have SD. Just stress me out or make me upset and you will hear the SD come right in to lead the dance!
Now I am trying, once more, to find something to do with my life that might make a favorable impression. A lasting impression. I am training to be an American Sign Language Interpreter. Sign language fascinated me and I like being able to communicate with Deaf people. However, I find myself struggling. Is this really what I should be doing? This summer, with its medicine issues, has kept me from really working on my ASL skills (which really need work!). Now I am thinking . . . is this the way I want to go? Will I ever be able to do this?
Am I just trying to do something that other people will think is "neat" or am I doing something that I really like?
Can't people just think I am "neat" because of who I am? Does it have to be dependent on what I do?
Trisha
Voice Update: I am pleased to say that I am back on top of the game with my massage. I haven't been doing too many exercises and I probably should be since I am not really talking to many people (and thus exercising my voice) this summer. It seems like there is always something else I "should" be doing! However, it is all worth it in the end if my voice keeps rockin' and rollin' right?
Another day, another walk and another swim. The walk was ridiculously sweaty! I guess that is bound to happen when it is in the upper 80s at 7:00 A.M.! The swim was heavenly. The water was nice and cool (they must be adding water every morning to keep it cool) and I had the pool all to myself. I upped the lap count by one to 17 (!) and it felt good. I feel stronger each day I swim.
Of course, then I have to walk home and get all sweaty again!
Watering the flowers helps a bit since I can "accidentally" spray myself when I get too hot.
Mom pointed out that I didn't tell you all that I did buy a new oven to replace the clean, dead one. It has to be ordered because I am terribly unfashionable and want white instead of stainless steel (all of my other appliances are white and I don't want mismatched appliances AND I just don't fancy stainless steel too much. I know - that makes me a bit of a freak but . . . they just remind me too much of industrial cafeterias!). Anyway- the oven will be here - eventually! Until then it is a bakeless life for Hubby and me!
Speaking of Hubby. Last night he said something that triggered a memory for me.
We were watching a show called something like "Rick's Restorations" or something. Anyway - the man who does the restorations, Rick, apparently fascinated Hubby. He said "That guy just seems like a neat guy. I like him."
That comment - the "neat" part - reminded me of hearing my dad, the high school principal, talk about this kid or that kid and say that they were "neat." He would always say this with such admiration that I wanted to be a "neat kid" too. I wanted someone to look at me and say I was a "neat kid" with admiration - the way my Dad said it about these other kids.
Now, I am not saying that this has been the guiding principle of my life - to be "neat-" but, it has always been there in the back of my mind somewhere. Even when I was messing up colossally (and I do everything in a big way!). I wanted to make a positive impression on someone, somehow.
For a long time, I thought that I would make an impression as a teacher. I thought that parents and kiddos would look back on their time in my class and think that I was a "neat" teacher. Well, I am not really sure that I met that mark. Yes, I do have many students who still remember me fondly but did they think I was "neat?" I just don't know.
Once the whole teaching thing was taken from me due to my "dance" with SD, I found myself floundering in so many ways. In the midst of trying to deal with my voice and its sudden demands on my time and consciousness, I struggled with wanting to do something that people would appreciate and admire.
During my most intense dance with SD I was dedicated to spreading the word about SD to people. I started up a podcast to let people hear someone with an SD voice. Then I started this blog. The purpose for the blog was to talk about SD. Maybe, just maybe I could help someone with their own SD dance and they could (possibly!) think I was "neat."
However, both the podcast and the blog (at least the part focused on SD) lost momentum as my voice got better and more and more people expressed doubt about me even having SD. This really knocked the legs out from under me. I found myself struggling with all kinds of self-doubt and feelings of anger and frustration. I had worked so hard and so darn long to improve my voice and as soon as it was better (through the grace of God and a lot of hard work with a FABULOUS speech therapist) people had the nerve to tell me to my face that they thought I was a fake!
Definitely not thinking I was "neat," were they?
After much self-examination, I decided to veer away from my SD mission. Yes, I still have SD. I STILL HAVE SD. It won't go away. Even though my voice is WONDERFUL, I still have SD. Just stress me out or make me upset and you will hear the SD come right in to lead the dance!
Now I am trying, once more, to find something to do with my life that might make a favorable impression. A lasting impression. I am training to be an American Sign Language Interpreter. Sign language fascinated me and I like being able to communicate with Deaf people. However, I find myself struggling. Is this really what I should be doing? This summer, with its medicine issues, has kept me from really working on my ASL skills (which really need work!). Now I am thinking . . . is this the way I want to go? Will I ever be able to do this?
Am I just trying to do something that other people will think is "neat" or am I doing something that I really like?
Can't people just think I am "neat" because of who I am? Does it have to be dependent on what I do?
Trisha
Voice Update: I am pleased to say that I am back on top of the game with my massage. I haven't been doing too many exercises and I probably should be since I am not really talking to many people (and thus exercising my voice) this summer. It seems like there is always something else I "should" be doing! However, it is all worth it in the end if my voice keeps rockin' and rollin' right?
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Wednesday Woes
Hi All!
I just want you to know that I really can't deal with Blogger's "issues" today so I apologize if this is difficult to read (due to lack of spaces, whatever). We will see how it goes.
This week has been busy, busy, busy! And . . . . "interesting."
I started off with a night assignment on Monday followed by a day assignment and class on Tuesday. Can you say "little sleep?"
Add into this mix the fact that I have been struggling with what I now believe to be allergy issues. Lots of drainage and a stuffy nose (NO air making it through) when I do manage to get sleep. The drainage makes my voice sound bad, bad, bad. In fact, Hubby commented on it this morning! I am doing my massage (even though my throat is a bit sore with the drainage) and exercises (just in a really deep, raspy voice!).
Okay - I can't stand the no spaces thing so I will do a bit of html editing. Gah! I HATE having to do that! Do I need to contact Blogger about this individually??
At least I am learning a bit of code to get the paragraphs separated. Not exactly what I wanted to learn but . . . I guess you do what you gotta do, right?
Maybe I will really get into the html stuff and just forget trying to do it the easy way.
And maybe I will be an astronaut too!
My parents have gotten a new "crop" of goats for the summer. This time they have 12 goats (they had 7 last year). They are cute little buggers! I can't wait to see what they get into this summer. They are always worth a few interesting stories!
Well, that is about all I have energy for so I am off for a nap!
Have a wonderful Wednesday!
Trisha
Voice Update: I am sounding a lot like Bea Arthur at the moment. I am keeping up with my massage and exercises though in an effort to counteract the damaging effects of the drainage and the coughing which accompanies this "wonderful" condition!I have also been taking cough medicine when the urge to cough is the worst to try to circumvent that bad behavior (in case you didn't know, coughing isn't good for your vocal cords since it basically slams the cords shut as you cough - not good treatment for such delicate things!).
Lately I have been having a lot of conversations about my voice and my SD. I am not sure why but - I am still spreading the word about Spasmodic Dysphonia. Okay - I should say I am not sure why I have been discussing my voice a lot lately. It sounded like I was saying that I wasn't sure why I was spreading the word. I AM sure about that. More people need to be educated about vocal disorders so that they don't treat people who have difficulty speaking poorly.
Remember, people, think of how your words will be taken before saying something which could be hurtful!
I just want you to know that I really can't deal with Blogger's "issues" today so I apologize if this is difficult to read (due to lack of spaces, whatever). We will see how it goes.
This week has been busy, busy, busy! And . . . . "interesting."
I started off with a night assignment on Monday followed by a day assignment and class on Tuesday. Can you say "little sleep?"
Add into this mix the fact that I have been struggling with what I now believe to be allergy issues. Lots of drainage and a stuffy nose (NO air making it through) when I do manage to get sleep. The drainage makes my voice sound bad, bad, bad. In fact, Hubby commented on it this morning! I am doing my massage (even though my throat is a bit sore with the drainage) and exercises (just in a really deep, raspy voice!).
Okay - I can't stand the no spaces thing so I will do a bit of html editing. Gah! I HATE having to do that! Do I need to contact Blogger about this individually??
At least I am learning a bit of code to get the paragraphs separated. Not exactly what I wanted to learn but . . . I guess you do what you gotta do, right?
Maybe I will really get into the html stuff and just forget trying to do it the easy way.
And maybe I will be an astronaut too!
My parents have gotten a new "crop" of goats for the summer. This time they have 12 goats (they had 7 last year). They are cute little buggers! I can't wait to see what they get into this summer. They are always worth a few interesting stories!
Well, that is about all I have energy for so I am off for a nap!
Have a wonderful Wednesday!
Trisha
Voice Update: I am sounding a lot like Bea Arthur at the moment. I am keeping up with my massage and exercises though in an effort to counteract the damaging effects of the drainage and the coughing which accompanies this "wonderful" condition!I have also been taking cough medicine when the urge to cough is the worst to try to circumvent that bad behavior (in case you didn't know, coughing isn't good for your vocal cords since it basically slams the cords shut as you cough - not good treatment for such delicate things!).
Lately I have been having a lot of conversations about my voice and my SD. I am not sure why but - I am still spreading the word about Spasmodic Dysphonia. Okay - I should say I am not sure why I have been discussing my voice a lot lately. It sounded like I was saying that I wasn't sure why I was spreading the word. I AM sure about that. More people need to be educated about vocal disorders so that they don't treat people who have difficulty speaking poorly.
Remember, people, think of how your words will be taken before saying something which could be hurtful!
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Ignoring It Won't Make It Go Away!
Hi All!
My name is Trisha and I have ABductor Spasmodic Dysphonia.
fgjk
(Hello, Trisha)
fgjk
ABductor Spasmodic Dysphonia is a neurological condition in which the communication between the brain and the muscles controlling the vocal cords doesn't work correctly. This miscommunication causes the muscles controlling the cords to spasm uncontrollably.
fgj
There are two main types of Spasmodic Dysphonia - ADductor and ABductor. ADductor is the most common kind of Spasmodic Dysphonia and in this type, the muscles which close the vocal cords are affected. This causes the vocal cords to slam shut making the voice sounds strangled. ABductor Spasmodic Dysphonia is rarer and in this type the muslces which open the vocal cords are affected causing the cords to remain open. This results in a very breathy voice. There can also be a combination of both ADductor and ABductor types as well as the addition of a tremor to either type or the combination of both types.
fghj
Currently, scientists do not know what causes Spasmodic Dysphonia (SD) and there is no known cure. The only medically approved treatments are speech therapy and the injection of Botox into the spasming muscles.
fgj
Like I said, I have ABductor SD (ABSD). It only stands to reason that I would have the rarest type of SD - what with my being related to Uncle Murphy and all! When ABSD first showed up in my life I was happy. I had my dream teaching job and life was good.
fgjk
Then, within the space of a month, my voice left me. And I do mean left me. I did not have a voice AT ALL for a little over a year. I struggled through a few months more of teaching before deciding to take a medical leave of absence which turned into a permanent leave of absence from teaching.
ghkl
I went to speech therapy and became pretty obsessed with doing my exercises (after all, I wasn't working any more so this was basically all I had to do!). I tried the Botox injections twice with very little results.
ghkl
I learned how to speak on the inhale (breathing in while speaking instead of the normal breathing out while speaking) and became very good at it. I started to build my endurance and suddenly started being able to say a few words normally. That led to even more intensive speech therapy and, after about eight months, I could speak "normally" even though it was very, very quiet. To counter the quiet voice, I wore a personal amplification device everywhere I went so I could be heard.
ghkl
After about another six months or so, my voice began to get stronger and eventually I could speak without the amplification device! This change led to a real struggle on my part to continue doing my exercises and learning that if I didn't, my voice went into a steep decline.
jkl
Currently, my voice sounds pretty normal. In fact, if you don't know that I have a problem and/or you didn't know me before ABSD showed up, you might never think I have a vocal problem at all. Well - as long as I am faithful to my exercises!
ghklhglk
Throughout this long process of speech therapy and exercises, I found great comfort in the National Spasmodic Dysphonia Association (NSDA). This is a group of people who have SD and who understand what it is like to not really have a voice. I threw myself into the NSDA and even started a support group with a friend of mine. I made a series of podcasts about living with SD. I tried to help others with SD as much as possible. All of this made me feel good about myself - voice or no voice.
ghl
And then.
ghkl
My voice got better. It got better to the point that many people involved in the NSDA thought that I really didn't have SD. And many of these people told me about their disbelief.
gjkl
Suddenly, the NSDA felt less like a family of people who understood what I was going through and more like a place where I had to constantly prove myself "worthy" to be included.
gjkl
The friend who started the support group with me decided she didn't want to help anymore.
ghkl
I learned that I am horrible at organizing meetings.
ghkl
My life began to get busier with the classes I am taking to become a certified American Sign Language Interpreter.
ghkl
It seemed like everything was falling apart.
gkl
So - what did I do? Well, I simply tried to ignore everything related to the NSDA.
You may have guessed that ignoring the situation with the NSDA and the support group didn't work out too well. In fact, I am just starting to deal with the results of that now! I am getting emails from people who have SD and who need help. Because I am ignoring things, I am not responding. Not good.
gjkl
I guess I am going to have to get my gumption up and take care of things. I am going to tell the NSDA that I am no longer going to be involved in the support process. I am going to dismantle the website I had made for the support group. I am going to get out the correct way - instead of just ignoring things.
hjk;
Now - I do want to make something very, very clear! The NSDA is a WONDERFUL group of people dedicated to making life with SD better for everyone who has this terrible disorder. I have rarely met such dedicated and passionate people. I am going to continue to support the NSDA. It is doing a good job with research and support for people with SD.
hjkl;
My problems with the NSDA are NOT typical and are the result of my freaky situation. If I felt more confident with my own situations I am sure that I could still be a part of this great group. It is very possible that I will become involved again at a later day.
Perhaps this is just not the correct time.
hjl;
We will see.
hjkl;
Trisha
hjl;
Voice Update: Still doing very well. I have Speech tomorrow so we will see what Susan thinks soon!
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Anticipation . . .
Hi All!
Well, the car isn't here yet . . . so I am still waiting! I don't do too well with waiting so . . . I am pretty antsy!
While I am waiting I will share a couple more Ohio pictures.
First, Hubby, Mom and I on a bench in Coventry, Ohio after eating at Hubby's favorite Chinese restaurant - Hunan Coventry. We try to make a trip to this wonderful place each time we make it back to Ohio.
Isn't this a pretty little red bug? My Aunt Donna (who you can barely see through the windshield) got this car to be her "Summer car." She let me take it for a drive and it was fun zooming around in a little convertible. Unfortunately, it is too hot for convertibles here or I might have considered getting one!
Well, the car isn't here yet . . . so I am still waiting! I don't do too well with waiting so . . . I am pretty antsy!
While I am waiting I will share a couple more Ohio pictures.
First, Hubby, Mom and I on a bench in Coventry, Ohio after eating at Hubby's favorite Chinese restaurant - Hunan Coventry. We try to make a trip to this wonderful place each time we make it back to Ohio.
The neighborhood around the restaurant is an eclectic mix of little shops which are fun to browse in. We stopped at the cat shop - which also has things for dogs - and found new Mylar tassels for Skor's favorite cat toy. We have been looking for these things everywhere with no luck!
I don't know if you can tell but the bench has a big hand making the peace sign - which is why I am making the peace sign.
Isn't this a pretty little red bug? My Aunt Donna (who you can barely see through the windshield) got this car to be her "Summer car." She let me take it for a drive and it was fun zooming around in a little convertible. Unfortunately, it is too hot for convertibles here or I might have considered getting one!
In other news . . .
My swim this morning was wonderful. It was about 75 when I woke up and there was a nice breeze for most of the time I was walking. The water at the pool was nice and cool so it felt good to be doing laps (24). The sky is very overcast which helped keep the sun out of my eyes while I was doing the back strokes!
Yesterday my friend Donna met me for lunch. We went to a new pizza place in town and had a very nice time eating good pizza (even though it was thin crust and I prefer thicker crust) and visiting. She came back to the house and we spent more time talking about all kinds of stuff while the cats tried to decide if they should come out of hiding or not.
Both cats hid when Donna came into the house. Skor high-tailed it into the bedroom and Miss Cleo hid behind the couch. Eventually Skor decided to come out and he sat on the back of the couch behind my head. Miss Cleo hid the entire time.
Then, after Donna left and I finished checking on the kitties next door, my Mary Kay lady stopped by with my latest order. This time the kitties didn't hide and they actually both came within arms length of her to sniff her.
Weird cats!
I got a free CD from the Radio Bible Class (which publishes Our Daily Bread - a devotional booklet I use). Every few months I get an insert in my booklet advertising a free CD. At first I couldn't believe that they were really free but . . . they are. They are pretty nice quality too! My mother also get the devotional booklet from RBC but she NEVER gets the free CD offers. Mom and I keep trying to figure out why.
Yesterday Donna said that I was probably in the system under a different customer profile than my Mother. From something I do (buy on iTunes maybe??), the computer has highlighted me as a person who might buy music from RBC (there are many more CDs available for sale by the company but I never buy them - I just get the free ones) so they send me free CDs to "whet my appetite."
Mom must be under a different profile so she doesn't get the offers. She would LOVE to get them but then again - she ends up getting the CDs because I share them with her anyway!
I hope you are having a wonderful week! It is almost Friday!
Trisha
Voice Update: My voice is still doing really, really well. Yesterday Donna - who has been friends with me before I got SD so she has been with me through this entire process - and I were talking about my SD and how the people at the Colorado meeting didn't believe that I actually had SD and how that made me feel. We also talked about the whole SD support group thing. It was nice to be able to talk to someone who can still hear the traces of SD in my voice and still knows that I do indeed have SD even though I sound really good. She also knows how hard I worked to get my voice to this place and how hard I continue to work. Because of how long we talked and how long I talked to the Mary Kay lady - I didn't end up reading last night but . . . I still got my voice exercise in!
Thursday, June 10, 2010
My Dance Lesson
Hi All!
Yesterday I had my first dance lesson* after a "hiatus" of about six weeks. Now, my partner** and I have been practicing pretty much daily during the hiatus but, we haven't exactly been doing everything that our instructor*** had told us to do during our last lesson.
Our dance^ has been going pretty smoothly lately. We rarely step on each other's toes or knock heads while changing directions. True, once in a while my partner gets a bit "independent" and decides to show me that I am not the only one who can lead the steps.
Anyway, the instructor was impressed with our work during the six week break from lessons. She did have a few minor corrections to make (like I need to do more massage and I need to work on a couple specific steps^^) but, overall, she was happy with our progress. In fact, she has reduced our lessons from twice a month to once a month. Yeah!
*Speech Therapy
**Abductor Spasmodic Dysphonia
***Susan (SLP)
^Living with SD
^^ Working on the sounds which still give me the most difficulty by focusing on the sounds after the difficult sounds.
Okay. If you deciphered all of that, you know how my latest speech appointment went. Now, I would like to address the reason I call my living with SD as a "dance" instead of a struggle, a journey, or anything like that.
The idea of living with SD for the rest of my life was very overwhelming for me. I struggled to "beat" SD and this resulted in a less than ideal situation. I soon realized that each and every time I attempted to "subdue" SD or overpower it, it would come back even more ferociously to "kick my rear."
I would work and work and struggle and then find myself taking the proverbial "one step forward two steps back." It seemed like all of my hard work was turning out to be worthless. And then, Susan sat me down for one of her "talks (she does this occasionally when I need it!)."
Susan told me that I was never going to "beat" or "subdue" SD because it was stronger than I could ever be. True, I am very, very stubborn but, SD is even more so. Each time I tried to beat SD it came back because, in reality, I was never going to completely beat SD. I just wasn't. It was here to stay and I needed to deal with that fact. Susan suggested considering living with SD not as a battle but rather, as a dance.
This dance has two distinct participants, me and SD, who need to learn to dance in harmony with each other without stepping on each others toes or trying to take the lead too strongly. If I could learn how to work WITH SD instead of trying to work AGAINST it, Susan assured me that my life would be much happier.
I went home after this little talk and I pondered what I had heard. Work WITH SD? Shouldn't I try to eradicate it? Smash it into dust? This dance stuff just seemed like crazy talk . . . at first. And then, it all started to make sense.
Any major relationship in life is more of a dance than a battle. Think about marriage. You work WITH your spouse (most of the time!) to live together. When things are out of sync (stepping on toes) life isn't too happy but, once you get back "in step" with each other - harmony and happiness.
So - dance with SD. I decided that the philosophy of dancing WITH SD instead of struggling against it just made sense. I knew that SD was incurable so I was stuck with it and learning to live with it just seemed to make the most of the situation. After all, struggling hadn't gotten me too far up to this point so there really wasn't too much to lose now, was there?
Over the past couple of years I have been learning the steps. SD is a demanding partner. If I don't show up for practice each and every day by doing my exercises and massage and now, reading out loud, SD gets cranky and tries to take the lead in my life by making my voice worse. The minute I decide to strike out on my own for a solo, SD is right there pulling me back and reminding me that my time for soloing is now past and that SD is here to stay. As with every dance, and with every dance partner, there are things which make life easier - I know the kinds of words which SD causes me to mess up the most so I work on those or I think of ways to avoid them. There are situations where SD is just going to show up more than in others (noisy background, large crowds, when I am nervous or upset or tired) and I make adjustments for this (amplification, relying on Hubby more, moving to a quieter venue, asking for music to be turned down, etc.).
Considering my life with SD as a dance has helped me to work with the disorder to find my voice again. Yes, there are times when my "partner" and I are at odds but, once I get my head right (somehow, SD is never the one at fault - imagine that!), we are back in step and dancing along smoothly.
Yes, my experience with SD is a dance. One for which I will never stop rehearsing but one which, when done well, is very rewarding!
Trisha
Yesterday I had my first dance lesson* after a "hiatus" of about six weeks. Now, my partner** and I have been practicing pretty much daily during the hiatus but, we haven't exactly been doing everything that our instructor*** had told us to do during our last lesson.
Our dance^ has been going pretty smoothly lately. We rarely step on each other's toes or knock heads while changing directions. True, once in a while my partner gets a bit "independent" and decides to show me that I am not the only one who can lead the steps.
Anyway, the instructor was impressed with our work during the six week break from lessons. She did have a few minor corrections to make (like I need to do more massage and I need to work on a couple specific steps^^) but, overall, she was happy with our progress. In fact, she has reduced our lessons from twice a month to once a month. Yeah!
*Speech Therapy
**Abductor Spasmodic Dysphonia
***Susan (SLP)
^Living with SD
^^ Working on the sounds which still give me the most difficulty by focusing on the sounds after the difficult sounds.
Okay. If you deciphered all of that, you know how my latest speech appointment went. Now, I would like to address the reason I call my living with SD as a "dance" instead of a struggle, a journey, or anything like that.
The idea of living with SD for the rest of my life was very overwhelming for me. I struggled to "beat" SD and this resulted in a less than ideal situation. I soon realized that each and every time I attempted to "subdue" SD or overpower it, it would come back even more ferociously to "kick my rear."
I would work and work and struggle and then find myself taking the proverbial "one step forward two steps back." It seemed like all of my hard work was turning out to be worthless. And then, Susan sat me down for one of her "talks (she does this occasionally when I need it!)."
Susan told me that I was never going to "beat" or "subdue" SD because it was stronger than I could ever be. True, I am very, very stubborn but, SD is even more so. Each time I tried to beat SD it came back because, in reality, I was never going to completely beat SD. I just wasn't. It was here to stay and I needed to deal with that fact. Susan suggested considering living with SD not as a battle but rather, as a dance.
This dance has two distinct participants, me and SD, who need to learn to dance in harmony with each other without stepping on each others toes or trying to take the lead too strongly. If I could learn how to work WITH SD instead of trying to work AGAINST it, Susan assured me that my life would be much happier.
I went home after this little talk and I pondered what I had heard. Work WITH SD? Shouldn't I try to eradicate it? Smash it into dust? This dance stuff just seemed like crazy talk . . . at first. And then, it all started to make sense.
Any major relationship in life is more of a dance than a battle. Think about marriage. You work WITH your spouse (most of the time!) to live together. When things are out of sync (stepping on toes) life isn't too happy but, once you get back "in step" with each other - harmony and happiness.
So - dance with SD. I decided that the philosophy of dancing WITH SD instead of struggling against it just made sense. I knew that SD was incurable so I was stuck with it and learning to live with it just seemed to make the most of the situation. After all, struggling hadn't gotten me too far up to this point so there really wasn't too much to lose now, was there?
Over the past couple of years I have been learning the steps. SD is a demanding partner. If I don't show up for practice each and every day by doing my exercises and massage and now, reading out loud, SD gets cranky and tries to take the lead in my life by making my voice worse. The minute I decide to strike out on my own for a solo, SD is right there pulling me back and reminding me that my time for soloing is now past and that SD is here to stay. As with every dance, and with every dance partner, there are things which make life easier - I know the kinds of words which SD causes me to mess up the most so I work on those or I think of ways to avoid them. There are situations where SD is just going to show up more than in others (noisy background, large crowds, when I am nervous or upset or tired) and I make adjustments for this (amplification, relying on Hubby more, moving to a quieter venue, asking for music to be turned down, etc.).
Considering my life with SD as a dance has helped me to work with the disorder to find my voice again. Yes, there are times when my "partner" and I are at odds but, once I get my head right (somehow, SD is never the one at fault - imagine that!), we are back in step and dancing along smoothly.
Yes, my experience with SD is a dance. One for which I will never stop rehearsing but one which, when done well, is very rewarding!
Trisha
Thursday, May 13, 2010
I'm Done, I'm Done, I'm Done!!!! Part 3
Hi All!
YEAH!
WAHOO!
YIPPEE!
I'm done! I'm done! I'm done!
I am done with my interpreting class!
Yesterday I finished up my written test via the computer. There were only six questions but they were all essay questions so the test took a while. Wanting to be very careful after my disastrous midterm experience* I took almost the entire length of time we were given. While I haven't gotten my grade from that as of yet, I am hoping I did well.
* To refresh your memories . . . during midterms I took the midterm test on a computer in the college library. These computers are set up to allow each person only one hour of time on the computers. The computer that I logged into apparently hadn't been logged out of by the previous student and his/her time was still counting down. When I started the test, the computer started giving me time warnings. Not sure what was going on, I thought that the test was timing out instead of the computer and I rushed to answer the questions - which you couldn't go back to again once you answered them. This caused me to be less than thorough on my answers!
Last night, at about 9:00 P.M. I stepped into the classroom to complete my "practical" section of the test by actually interpreting. By about 9:30 I was done with EVERYTHING! Can you tell how thrilled I am???
Even better, the teacher said that I have a B+ or maybe - just maybe - an A! I won't hold my breath for the A but hey - I don't think that either grade is bad for someone who was predicted to fail because she didn't take Intro to Interpreting!
Hee-hee-hee!
Did I mention that I am done? I'M DONE!
Now I can "settle down" and concentrate on other things. Like my SD support group meeting this Saturday. While I am still having problems deciding about my desire to remain committed to NSDA amidst accusations of not really having SD, I am going to continue with the support group - at least for this week!
I have a lot of information to share with the group and hope to make up some simple information sheets to pass out. My problem with that is that my beloved card program doesn't like to interact with my new computer system and Windows 7. Due to this I am going to have to install the card program on the old computer upstairs and hope I can get stuff printed from up there. We will see how that goes!
Besides support group work I also need to get working on my shrubs (I never finished trimming the front shrubs) and the house. Doesn't that sound like fun?
Maybe you would like to stop by and help out!
Trisha
Voice Update: I am doing well with my voice even though I didn't have speech yesterday. Thinking it odd that I hadn't gotten a reminder call, I called the office before heading out to confirm my appointment. Imagine my surprise when I learned that not only didn't I have an appointment yesterday but that I didn't have any scheduled for the future! None! Apparently I didn't get on the new schedule with my normal "every two week" appointment. The first appointment I can get now isn't until the first week of June so . . .I am on my own until then! I was hoping to get some refreshers for those "new" exercises but . . . I guess I will keep working on them from what I remember.
YEAH!
WAHOO!
YIPPEE!
I'm done! I'm done! I'm done!
I am done with my interpreting class!
Yesterday I finished up my written test via the computer. There were only six questions but they were all essay questions so the test took a while. Wanting to be very careful after my disastrous midterm experience* I took almost the entire length of time we were given. While I haven't gotten my grade from that as of yet, I am hoping I did well.
* To refresh your memories . . . during midterms I took the midterm test on a computer in the college library. These computers are set up to allow each person only one hour of time on the computers. The computer that I logged into apparently hadn't been logged out of by the previous student and his/her time was still counting down. When I started the test, the computer started giving me time warnings. Not sure what was going on, I thought that the test was timing out instead of the computer and I rushed to answer the questions - which you couldn't go back to again once you answered them. This caused me to be less than thorough on my answers!
Last night, at about 9:00 P.M. I stepped into the classroom to complete my "practical" section of the test by actually interpreting. By about 9:30 I was done with EVERYTHING! Can you tell how thrilled I am???
Even better, the teacher said that I have a B+ or maybe - just maybe - an A! I won't hold my breath for the A but hey - I don't think that either grade is bad for someone who was predicted to fail because she didn't take Intro to Interpreting!
Hee-hee-hee!
Did I mention that I am done? I'M DONE!
Now I can "settle down" and concentrate on other things. Like my SD support group meeting this Saturday. While I am still having problems deciding about my desire to remain committed to NSDA amidst accusations of not really having SD, I am going to continue with the support group - at least for this week!
I have a lot of information to share with the group and hope to make up some simple information sheets to pass out. My problem with that is that my beloved card program doesn't like to interact with my new computer system and Windows 7. Due to this I am going to have to install the card program on the old computer upstairs and hope I can get stuff printed from up there. We will see how that goes!
Besides support group work I also need to get working on my shrubs (I never finished trimming the front shrubs) and the house. Doesn't that sound like fun?
Maybe you would like to stop by and help out!
Trisha
Voice Update: I am doing well with my voice even though I didn't have speech yesterday. Thinking it odd that I hadn't gotten a reminder call, I called the office before heading out to confirm my appointment. Imagine my surprise when I learned that not only didn't I have an appointment yesterday but that I didn't have any scheduled for the future! None! Apparently I didn't get on the new schedule with my normal "every two week" appointment. The first appointment I can get now isn't until the first week of June so . . .I am on my own until then! I was hoping to get some refreshers for those "new" exercises but . . . I guess I will keep working on them from what I remember.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Down, Down, Down I Go . . .
Hi All!
Greetings from Aurora, Colorado! That is right, I am actually posting something on my blog from a totally different state from the one I live in! Yeah! Thank goodness for hotels with free internet access and computers without people waiting in line to use them!
Anyway, the Regional Symposium just finished up (about an hour ago) and I thought I would check in with my bloggy friends for a bit. Just to say "Hi!" And to let you know that I haven't fallen off the face of the earth. And to make sure YOU are all okay. And . . . okay - maybe I need to vent a bit while I try to make a decision.
Are you game?
First of all, let me tell you that this weekend has been full of lots of very good information. The leadership training day on Thursday - which was to provide additional training to support group leaders, area contact people, and other NSDA leaders - was chock-a-block full. We all learned about the recent initiatives which have been undertaken and the progress on all older initiatives. We investigated a few different areas such as the "virtual support group" and visiting colleges which have a Speech Language Pathology major to talk to graduate level SLP students about Spasmodic Dysphonia.
The Regional Symposium today was also very informative. Three Otolaryngologists from Denver were in attendance and they all presented information on SD, Botox injections, and Surgical "treatments" for SD. These doctors really impressed me, not just for the information they presented but also for their very personable demeanors and their wonderful senses of humor. They answered questions from the audience with empathy and intelligence and they really made the "scientific" portion of the day interesting. Let me tell you, that is important! After the doctors, four SDers formed a panel to talk a bit about their experiences and to field some questions from the audience. It was a day of good information and everything was well done!
***If you want to know more about Spasmodic Dysphonia or if you would like to make a donation to the NSDA, check out this link.
The information was good an the people were wonderful as usual. Well, pretty wonderful. If you read my last post you know that I had some anxiety about this meeting and, as it turns out, I managed to "find" additional anxiety while here. I don't know if it is because I was already feeling anxious about some issues or if I am just learning the "real" deal or what.
Let me start from the beginning.
****The NSDA is a wonderful, wonderful association which is doing a great job helping people with SD and with raising awareness of SD. None of my comments in this blog are meant to negate that fact.
****The people involved in the NSDA are amazing, dedicated people who are doing many good things to help further awareness of SD and to help people who have SD. I am very thankful to have met each and every one of these people and to have had the chance to interact with them. They are a real blessing. None of my comments in this blog are meant to negate that fact.
Okay, that said, let me start.
The people who come to these NSDA meetings (the Leadership Meeting and the Regional Symposium) are wonderful people. They are friendly and nice and generally fun to talk to. Since this is the second year that I have attended the leadership training I recognized many of the people from last year and so I felt like I was just continuing my relationship with them. As I stated in my previous post, some of the people have their doubts about if I really have SD. This year, this issue was brought up again - in a very "gentle" manner - by a couple people. Somehow, despite my anxiety, I didn't mind. Probably because I know that I DO have SD and I have faced these kinds of questions before so I was ready for them. Include the fact that my husband is here and he is incredibly supportive of me!
However, I was totally unprepared to find out that people who are in higher leadership positions in the organization also have their doubts about my having SD and that they have shared these doubts in discussions with other SDers.
Okay. I don't mind that people talk about me. I have come to realize that, for some reason, I tend to be the topic of conversation for many people for a wide variety of reasons.
The fact that the higher leadership factions of the group were openly doubting my SD. That sort of "hit me where I live."
Here I am, passionate about spreading the word about Spasmodic Dysphonia and about helping others who have Spasmodic Dysphonia and my "legitimacy" is being questioned.
If people are questioning me, why do they want me in any kind of leadership position? Why would I want to be in a leadership position in an organization which apparently doesn't support me 100%?
Do they think that I am trying to get sympathy or something so I "faked" symptoms of SD?
Do they think that my speech therapist, who is VERY experienced in dealing with SD, and the Otolaryngologist who diagnosed me, who is also VERY experienced in dealing with SD, are trying to "pull a fast one?"
I understand that currently my voice doesn't sound like the voice of a person with SD. Of course, I still hear breaks and symptoms of SD and Hubby still hears them but, that is because we live with it day in and day out.
Okay - I feel like crying because I am thinking of this. I think I am going to have to finish this up tomorrow or at some other time.
I hope you are all doing really well!
Trisha
Voice Update: My voice is doing really well. I have been talking more than I normally do during the past couple of days of meetings and I have noticed that I have more fatigue in my voice than normal. I have also noticed more breaks than usual (lately!) but, all-in-all things are going well. I have not done any oral reading while here in Colorado because I figure the extra socialization I do (which, of course, involves talking) more than makes up for that hour of time. I will certainly get back on the horse (so to speak) when we return home.
Greetings from Aurora, Colorado! That is right, I am actually posting something on my blog from a totally different state from the one I live in! Yeah! Thank goodness for hotels with free internet access and computers without people waiting in line to use them!
Anyway, the Regional Symposium just finished up (about an hour ago) and I thought I would check in with my bloggy friends for a bit. Just to say "Hi!" And to let you know that I haven't fallen off the face of the earth. And to make sure YOU are all okay. And . . . okay - maybe I need to vent a bit while I try to make a decision.
Are you game?
First of all, let me tell you that this weekend has been full of lots of very good information. The leadership training day on Thursday - which was to provide additional training to support group leaders, area contact people, and other NSDA leaders - was chock-a-block full. We all learned about the recent initiatives which have been undertaken and the progress on all older initiatives. We investigated a few different areas such as the "virtual support group" and visiting colleges which have a Speech Language Pathology major to talk to graduate level SLP students about Spasmodic Dysphonia.
The Regional Symposium today was also very informative. Three Otolaryngologists from Denver were in attendance and they all presented information on SD, Botox injections, and Surgical "treatments" for SD. These doctors really impressed me, not just for the information they presented but also for their very personable demeanors and their wonderful senses of humor. They answered questions from the audience with empathy and intelligence and they really made the "scientific" portion of the day interesting. Let me tell you, that is important! After the doctors, four SDers formed a panel to talk a bit about their experiences and to field some questions from the audience. It was a day of good information and everything was well done!
***If you want to know more about Spasmodic Dysphonia or if you would like to make a donation to the NSDA, check out this link.
The information was good an the people were wonderful as usual. Well, pretty wonderful. If you read my last post you know that I had some anxiety about this meeting and, as it turns out, I managed to "find" additional anxiety while here. I don't know if it is because I was already feeling anxious about some issues or if I am just learning the "real" deal or what.
Let me start from the beginning.
****The NSDA is a wonderful, wonderful association which is doing a great job helping people with SD and with raising awareness of SD. None of my comments in this blog are meant to negate that fact.
****The people involved in the NSDA are amazing, dedicated people who are doing many good things to help further awareness of SD and to help people who have SD. I am very thankful to have met each and every one of these people and to have had the chance to interact with them. They are a real blessing. None of my comments in this blog are meant to negate that fact.
Okay, that said, let me start.
The people who come to these NSDA meetings (the Leadership Meeting and the Regional Symposium) are wonderful people. They are friendly and nice and generally fun to talk to. Since this is the second year that I have attended the leadership training I recognized many of the people from last year and so I felt like I was just continuing my relationship with them. As I stated in my previous post, some of the people have their doubts about if I really have SD. This year, this issue was brought up again - in a very "gentle" manner - by a couple people. Somehow, despite my anxiety, I didn't mind. Probably because I know that I DO have SD and I have faced these kinds of questions before so I was ready for them. Include the fact that my husband is here and he is incredibly supportive of me!
However, I was totally unprepared to find out that people who are in higher leadership positions in the organization also have their doubts about my having SD and that they have shared these doubts in discussions with other SDers.
Okay. I don't mind that people talk about me. I have come to realize that, for some reason, I tend to be the topic of conversation for many people for a wide variety of reasons.
The fact that the higher leadership factions of the group were openly doubting my SD. That sort of "hit me where I live."
Here I am, passionate about spreading the word about Spasmodic Dysphonia and about helping others who have Spasmodic Dysphonia and my "legitimacy" is being questioned.
If people are questioning me, why do they want me in any kind of leadership position? Why would I want to be in a leadership position in an organization which apparently doesn't support me 100%?
Do they think that I am trying to get sympathy or something so I "faked" symptoms of SD?
Do they think that my speech therapist, who is VERY experienced in dealing with SD, and the Otolaryngologist who diagnosed me, who is also VERY experienced in dealing with SD, are trying to "pull a fast one?"
I understand that currently my voice doesn't sound like the voice of a person with SD. Of course, I still hear breaks and symptoms of SD and Hubby still hears them but, that is because we live with it day in and day out.
Okay - I feel like crying because I am thinking of this. I think I am going to have to finish this up tomorrow or at some other time.
I hope you are all doing really well!
Trisha
Voice Update: My voice is doing really well. I have been talking more than I normally do during the past couple of days of meetings and I have noticed that I have more fatigue in my voice than normal. I have also noticed more breaks than usual (lately!) but, all-in-all things are going well. I have not done any oral reading while here in Colorado because I figure the extra socialization I do (which, of course, involves talking) more than makes up for that hour of time. I will certainly get back on the horse (so to speak) when we return home.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Ironic Anxiety
Hi All!
When I first "discovered" that I would be dancing with Spasmodic Dysphonia for the rest of my life (even though I originally thought it would only be a short dance - the lifetime commitment was realized a bit later in the process!) I was filled with anxiety.
Anxiety about my job. Anxiety about my social life. Anxiety about my marriage. Anxiety about my identity without a voice. Anxiety about speech therapy. Anxiety about Botox injections. Anxiety about the future.
As I slowly learned the steps to this new dance (and how to avoid stepping on SD's toes causing it to get angry!), my anxieties began to lessen somewhat. The first to go was the anxiety about speech therapy. My therapist is wonderful and we soon had developed a good working relationship which helped my voice.
Next to slink into the background was my anxiety about Botox shots. They weren't too bad. Thankfully!
Then the marriage anxiety dissolved as Hubby proved that, once he got over the "shock" of my SD, he was a wonderful support and a loving partner. Hubby doesn't always understand everything that I am going through but he tries.
The job anxiety and the future anxiety receded into manageable issues which are still floating along with the music in the background as SD and I dance along. Every once in a while they poke their heads into my immediate thoughts and cause some stress in my life but, when they do that, I try to just take deep breaths and to "let go and let God."
As my voice improved, thanks to speech therapy and LOTS of voice exercises, my anxiety about my social life vanished. I not only found that my friends understood and still accepted me but also that people I just met could also handle the information about my vocal disorder. I became very direct about my SD and told everyone way more than they ever wanted to know about it whenever I could.
Joining NSDA and starting a SD support group really helped me banish the social anxiety caused by SD. Meeting other people who experienced the same thing I was experiencing really helped me to understand that I wasn't alone and I also wasn't a "Freak!"
The anxiety about my identity remains the one which torments me more than any of the others still lingering about. However, as the days go by and I stay in step with SD to perform a smooth dance, things get a bit brighter.
Until it is time for a NSDA symposium and leadership training.
Don't get me wrong. The NSDA symposium is a wonderful thing. So is the leadership training. There are wonderful people there who have dedicated themselves to helping others learn to dance smoothly with SD. Being with these people is inspiring and comfortable. Never is it needed to explain about bad voices or to apologize for not being heard. In a lot of ways, the symposium and the leadership training is like "coming home" to a place where you are accepted unconditionally.
However . . . .
My voice is doing really well. So well, in fact, that people I meet for the first time don't even notice that there is anything wrong with it. People I know, and who have known me for a while, can occasionally hear slight breaks but, for the most part, they never think about my voice as anything but "normal." This is wonderful. Right?
Well, here is the ironic thing. People at the NSDA symposium and training day tend to think that I don't really have SD. They insist that my problem must have been MTD (Muscle Tension Dysphonia) which is easily cured. I have to "defend" myself and my reason for being involved in the NSDA. There are times I feel like these people see me as an "intruder" because my voice is so good at the moment.
I have worked so long and so hard to get my voice into the shape that it is in and I continue to work on it daily to maintain my progress. God has really touched my voice to allow such amazing progress. Why do these people shake my confidence so much? Why do I dread having to face these people? Why do I continue to feel the need to validate my SD?
Why do I feel such anxiety? Why do I feel like I should just keep my mouth closed so that people won't feel compelled to challenge me?
I DO have Spasmodic Dysphonia.
I DO have a good voice because of a lot of hard work and a lot of grace.
I DO belong in the NSDA.
Why do I feel like I am between both worlds - the "normal" world and the NSDA world?
*sigh*
Trisha
Voice Update: Doing really well. I was having some issues with the word "hello" yesterday but I really worked on some exercises and that got better. I am now reading in the book of Judges and the reading is doing wonders for my voice. I think that the anxiety about the upcoming symposium is doing a little "work" on my voice but, I refuse to get out of step with the dance, darn it!
When I first "discovered" that I would be dancing with Spasmodic Dysphonia for the rest of my life (even though I originally thought it would only be a short dance - the lifetime commitment was realized a bit later in the process!) I was filled with anxiety.
Anxiety about my job. Anxiety about my social life. Anxiety about my marriage. Anxiety about my identity without a voice. Anxiety about speech therapy. Anxiety about Botox injections. Anxiety about the future.
As I slowly learned the steps to this new dance (and how to avoid stepping on SD's toes causing it to get angry!), my anxieties began to lessen somewhat. The first to go was the anxiety about speech therapy. My therapist is wonderful and we soon had developed a good working relationship which helped my voice.
Next to slink into the background was my anxiety about Botox shots. They weren't too bad. Thankfully!
Then the marriage anxiety dissolved as Hubby proved that, once he got over the "shock" of my SD, he was a wonderful support and a loving partner. Hubby doesn't always understand everything that I am going through but he tries.
The job anxiety and the future anxiety receded into manageable issues which are still floating along with the music in the background as SD and I dance along. Every once in a while they poke their heads into my immediate thoughts and cause some stress in my life but, when they do that, I try to just take deep breaths and to "let go and let God."
As my voice improved, thanks to speech therapy and LOTS of voice exercises, my anxiety about my social life vanished. I not only found that my friends understood and still accepted me but also that people I just met could also handle the information about my vocal disorder. I became very direct about my SD and told everyone way more than they ever wanted to know about it whenever I could.
Joining NSDA and starting a SD support group really helped me banish the social anxiety caused by SD. Meeting other people who experienced the same thing I was experiencing really helped me to understand that I wasn't alone and I also wasn't a "Freak!"
The anxiety about my identity remains the one which torments me more than any of the others still lingering about. However, as the days go by and I stay in step with SD to perform a smooth dance, things get a bit brighter.
Until it is time for a NSDA symposium and leadership training.
Don't get me wrong. The NSDA symposium is a wonderful thing. So is the leadership training. There are wonderful people there who have dedicated themselves to helping others learn to dance smoothly with SD. Being with these people is inspiring and comfortable. Never is it needed to explain about bad voices or to apologize for not being heard. In a lot of ways, the symposium and the leadership training is like "coming home" to a place where you are accepted unconditionally.
However . . . .
My voice is doing really well. So well, in fact, that people I meet for the first time don't even notice that there is anything wrong with it. People I know, and who have known me for a while, can occasionally hear slight breaks but, for the most part, they never think about my voice as anything but "normal." This is wonderful. Right?
Well, here is the ironic thing. People at the NSDA symposium and training day tend to think that I don't really have SD. They insist that my problem must have been MTD (Muscle Tension Dysphonia) which is easily cured. I have to "defend" myself and my reason for being involved in the NSDA. There are times I feel like these people see me as an "intruder" because my voice is so good at the moment.
I have worked so long and so hard to get my voice into the shape that it is in and I continue to work on it daily to maintain my progress. God has really touched my voice to allow such amazing progress. Why do these people shake my confidence so much? Why do I dread having to face these people? Why do I continue to feel the need to validate my SD?
Why do I feel such anxiety? Why do I feel like I should just keep my mouth closed so that people won't feel compelled to challenge me?
I DO have Spasmodic Dysphonia.
I DO have a good voice because of a lot of hard work and a lot of grace.
I DO belong in the NSDA.
Why do I feel like I am between both worlds - the "normal" world and the NSDA world?
*sigh*
Trisha
Voice Update: Doing really well. I was having some issues with the word "hello" yesterday but I really worked on some exercises and that got better. I am now reading in the book of Judges and the reading is doing wonders for my voice. I think that the anxiety about the upcoming symposium is doing a little "work" on my voice but, I refuse to get out of step with the dance, darn it!
Monday, April 19, 2010
Xandau, The Musical
Hi All!
According to Dictionary.Com, Xanadu is: "a place of great beauty, luxury, and contentment" or "utopia."
Well, let me just say that the musical which is named Xanadu falls "just a bit" short of that ideal!
Hubby and I went to see Xanadu as part of our season ticket package of musicals. We have both seen the movie - back in the day - and were not too impressed with it so we were hoping that the musical would be much better.
According to the reviews in our newspaper, the musical was something to look forward to, something "fresh and entertaining."
According to Hubby, "The only thing that saved it is that the lead girl could actually sing."
What does that tell you?
Personally, it tells me a couple things . . . first, Hubby is actually getting used to musicals and is reaching the point where he can critique them honestly. Second, it tells me that there wasn't a whole lot about the musical that Hubby thought was worthwhile!
Actually, there were many little funny moments during the musical. The dialogue was witty in many places. There was actually roller skating on the stage. A couple of the characters were hysterical. But . . .overall, it was just "okay."
It was interesting that some audience members sat on the stage and became unwitting participants at times. At the end of the show these people had glow sticks of different colors and got to wave them around.
The music was fun.
It was an "okay" show. I don't think I would pay to see it again but . . . it wasn't too bad.
Hubby was pleased that there was no intermission and that we got out before dinner time.
Trisha
Voice Update: My voice is doing pretty well. I am still doing the oral reading from the Bible and am finding it a pleasant way to spend an hour each day. I figure I am combining my desire to read more of the Bible and my need to exercise my voice! So far the reading and the additional effort on my part to speak more during the day seems to be doing the trick. I do have to work on saying "two" since I have some kind of mental block against that. *sigh* MORE work!
To answer Linda's comment - yes, my vocal disorder is the same one which Diane Rhem and Robert Kennedy Jr. have but, I have a different type of the disorder. Both Diane and Robert have the more common, Adductor type of Spasmodic Dysphonia where I have the rarer Abductor type.
What does that mean? Diane and Robert have the type where the muscles spasming cause the vocal cords to be slammed closed and to not open. They sound like they are being strangled from the inside because they have to struggle to get air out past the closed cords. Of course, when/if they get Botox injections, that strangling sound lessens and they sound more "normal." In my type the vocal cords are being held open which results in a breathy sounding voice.
If you would like to know more about Spasmodic Dysphonia you can check out the National Spasmodic Dysphonia Association's website where they have an explanation of what SD is as well as audio examples of people who have both types of SD.
According to Dictionary.Com, Xanadu is: "a place of great beauty, luxury, and contentment" or "utopia."
Well, let me just say that the musical which is named Xanadu falls "just a bit" short of that ideal!
Hubby and I went to see Xanadu as part of our season ticket package of musicals. We have both seen the movie - back in the day - and were not too impressed with it so we were hoping that the musical would be much better.
According to the reviews in our newspaper, the musical was something to look forward to, something "fresh and entertaining."
According to Hubby, "The only thing that saved it is that the lead girl could actually sing."
What does that tell you?
Personally, it tells me a couple things . . . first, Hubby is actually getting used to musicals and is reaching the point where he can critique them honestly. Second, it tells me that there wasn't a whole lot about the musical that Hubby thought was worthwhile!
Actually, there were many little funny moments during the musical. The dialogue was witty in many places. There was actually roller skating on the stage. A couple of the characters were hysterical. But . . .overall, it was just "okay."
It was interesting that some audience members sat on the stage and became unwitting participants at times. At the end of the show these people had glow sticks of different colors and got to wave them around.
The music was fun.
It was an "okay" show. I don't think I would pay to see it again but . . . it wasn't too bad.
Hubby was pleased that there was no intermission and that we got out before dinner time.
Trisha
Voice Update: My voice is doing pretty well. I am still doing the oral reading from the Bible and am finding it a pleasant way to spend an hour each day. I figure I am combining my desire to read more of the Bible and my need to exercise my voice! So far the reading and the additional effort on my part to speak more during the day seems to be doing the trick. I do have to work on saying "two" since I have some kind of mental block against that. *sigh* MORE work!
To answer Linda's comment - yes, my vocal disorder is the same one which Diane Rhem and Robert Kennedy Jr. have but, I have a different type of the disorder. Both Diane and Robert have the more common, Adductor type of Spasmodic Dysphonia where I have the rarer Abductor type.
What does that mean? Diane and Robert have the type where the muscles spasming cause the vocal cords to be slammed closed and to not open. They sound like they are being strangled from the inside because they have to struggle to get air out past the closed cords. Of course, when/if they get Botox injections, that strangling sound lessens and they sound more "normal." In my type the vocal cords are being held open which results in a breathy sounding voice.
If you would like to know more about Spasmodic Dysphonia you can check out the National Spasmodic Dysphonia Association's website where they have an explanation of what SD is as well as audio examples of people who have both types of SD.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Another Wednesday!
Hi All!
It is Wednesday. Did you know that? Personally, I am VERY aware of the fact that it is Wednesday. The day that I "look forward to" all week. Yeah, right!
Actually, I suppose I should be feeling better about Wednesdays since class has been getting better but, old habits die hard!
Prior to class today, I do have a speech appointment. I am hoping that it goes really well since I have been working hard. Again, my whole "dance" with SD is certainly nothing when viewed through the glasses of my friend Marcia's struggle with cancer but, to me, it is my own personal struggle.
Wait a minute! Maybe that is it! For the past couple of years I have found that when I think of SD as a struggle - it IS a struggle. When I think of SD as my "dance partner" in the adventure I like to call life - it isn't such a struggle! Lately, I have been thinking of SD as a struggle when I need to remember that it is merely a dance partner who sometimes gets off beat and steps on my toes. Instead of working "against" SD, I need to work WITH it so that we are on the same page in terms of tempo. Then, SD won't mis-step and trod on my toes.
How in the world do I forget such a lesson which I learned through such hard times and hard work?
*doink!* (That was me hitting my forehead with my open palm!)
All I need to do is to remember to dance! DANCE!
Okay - now that my personal revelation and "doinking" is done, let's move on.
Today I have been given the very important task of dropping our taxes off at the post office. Who gave me this "honor?" Hubby, of course!
So, it would have been better for me to drop this important document off at the post office YESTERDAY when I had all the time in the world. Such things don't really occur to Hubby sometimes!
*sigh* Oh, well!
After my visit to the post office and to speech, I will head to the college to meet members of the class to begin working on our group project. Doesn't that sound like fun? Then it will be time for class.
Sounds like a pretty smooth day, right? Sure, it has some running around involved but, it seems smooth.
Unfortunately, I need to add one more factor into the mix.
Eye allergies.
The pollen is horrific here (as it is in many areas right now) and my eyes are really having problems. They are watery and itchy and . . . wait for it . . . . cause killer headaches! Yeah!
The only way I can help the situation - besides expensive allergy drops which I would need to take daily whether I had problems on not - is to flush my eyes with drops about every half hour. I dug my eye drops out from last year - and they had expired - of course! Not having anything else last night, I used them but, I will be stopping at Wally World briefly between the post office and speech to pick up some new solution.
Needless to say, any eye makeup (or under-eye makeup) I might leave the house with today will be long gone by tonight thanks to the flushing. My eyes are rimmed in a nice, bright reddish pink color and look like I have been crying my eyes out. Hmmmmm. Maybe I will get some sympathy in class. What do you think?
No - I didn't really think I would either!
Have a super Wednesday! Oh - think of Hubby - he will be taking Miss Cleo to the vet for her annual check-up this afternoon. Also think of the fact that he isn't very adept at actually getting this cat into a carrier!
Trisha
Voice Update: I am doing well. Yesterday I decided to talk to Mom and Dad on the phone instead of reading out loud. It is all the same as long as I am talking. This was AFTER I talked my way through the grocery store. It was slightly amusing that the workers at the store didn't even blink at me talking to myself as I went through the aisles. The shoppers were a completely different story, though!
It is Wednesday. Did you know that? Personally, I am VERY aware of the fact that it is Wednesday. The day that I "look forward to" all week. Yeah, right!
Actually, I suppose I should be feeling better about Wednesdays since class has been getting better but, old habits die hard!
Prior to class today, I do have a speech appointment. I am hoping that it goes really well since I have been working hard. Again, my whole "dance" with SD is certainly nothing when viewed through the glasses of my friend Marcia's struggle with cancer but, to me, it is my own personal struggle.
Wait a minute! Maybe that is it! For the past couple of years I have found that when I think of SD as a struggle - it IS a struggle. When I think of SD as my "dance partner" in the adventure I like to call life - it isn't such a struggle! Lately, I have been thinking of SD as a struggle when I need to remember that it is merely a dance partner who sometimes gets off beat and steps on my toes. Instead of working "against" SD, I need to work WITH it so that we are on the same page in terms of tempo. Then, SD won't mis-step and trod on my toes.
How in the world do I forget such a lesson which I learned through such hard times and hard work?
*doink!* (That was me hitting my forehead with my open palm!)
All I need to do is to remember to dance! DANCE!
Okay - now that my personal revelation and "doinking" is done, let's move on.
Today I have been given the very important task of dropping our taxes off at the post office. Who gave me this "honor?" Hubby, of course!
So, it would have been better for me to drop this important document off at the post office YESTERDAY when I had all the time in the world. Such things don't really occur to Hubby sometimes!
*sigh* Oh, well!
After my visit to the post office and to speech, I will head to the college to meet members of the class to begin working on our group project. Doesn't that sound like fun? Then it will be time for class.
Sounds like a pretty smooth day, right? Sure, it has some running around involved but, it seems smooth.
Unfortunately, I need to add one more factor into the mix.
Eye allergies.
The pollen is horrific here (as it is in many areas right now) and my eyes are really having problems. They are watery and itchy and . . . wait for it . . . . cause killer headaches! Yeah!
The only way I can help the situation - besides expensive allergy drops which I would need to take daily whether I had problems on not - is to flush my eyes with drops about every half hour. I dug my eye drops out from last year - and they had expired - of course! Not having anything else last night, I used them but, I will be stopping at Wally World briefly between the post office and speech to pick up some new solution.
Needless to say, any eye makeup (or under-eye makeup) I might leave the house with today will be long gone by tonight thanks to the flushing. My eyes are rimmed in a nice, bright reddish pink color and look like I have been crying my eyes out. Hmmmmm. Maybe I will get some sympathy in class. What do you think?
No - I didn't really think I would either!
Have a super Wednesday! Oh - think of Hubby - he will be taking Miss Cleo to the vet for her annual check-up this afternoon. Also think of the fact that he isn't very adept at actually getting this cat into a carrier!
Trisha
Voice Update: I am doing well. Yesterday I decided to talk to Mom and Dad on the phone instead of reading out loud. It is all the same as long as I am talking. This was AFTER I talked my way through the grocery store. It was slightly amusing that the workers at the store didn't even blink at me talking to myself as I went through the aisles. The shoppers were a completely different story, though!
Friday, April 2, 2010
He's Back!
If you would like to learn more about Spasmodic Dysphonia (or maybe would like to make a charitable donation!) please go to The National Spasmodic Dysphonia Association.
Hi All!
Well, he's back!
Yes, it is Mr. Timer!
hjkl
Oh, how I have missed him. NOT!
ghk
For those of you who may not remember Mr. Timer, here is his story.
ghk
When I was still really struggling with my voice I was rather . . . intent (okay, obsessive) about my vocal exercises. Susan, my speech therapist, told me to them three or four times a day but that doing them more would only help. Enter Mr. Timer.
ghj
I decided that I would need something to remind me to do my exercises and I dug Mr. Timer out of my school stuff.
fgjh
I set this "friend" for an hour and then went about my daily routine. Every time the timer went off, I stopped whatever I was doing and did my exercises. Then I reset the timer and continued doing whatever I was doing.
ghkl
Every day, all day long I carried Mr. Timer around with me listening for that beep which meant that I needed to do my exercises. Every day. All the time. Imagine how "fun" that soon became!
dfgh
However, I persisted and did this for well over a year as my voice gradually progressed.
xfgh
When Susan finally told me that I could cut back on my exercises, Mr. Timer went into semi-retirement. I was still doing oral reading and so he helped me make sure I did the correct amount of reading each day.
fgjh
Soon, I decided that Mr. Timer could totally retire. He was shoved into a drawer where I pretty much ignored him until his battery ran down and he "freaked out." Instead of taking Mr. time out of the drawer, replacing the battery and then using him, I yanked the battery out and shoved him back in the drawer.
fgjk
He is such a tangible reminder of the "bad times" I have had with my voice.
fgk
Now it is time to bring out Mr. Timer and dust him off (and give him a fresh battery) so that he can help me with my exercises as I strive to fend off the vocal decline which appears to think it will take over.
ghjk
Mr. Timer. I have such a love/hate relationship with him.
ghkl
Trisha
ghkl
Voice Update: With the help of Mr. Timer, I read out loud for at least an hour and a half. I also managed to talk to the cats and myself for a long time as I puttered around the house. When Hubby came home we went walking and I talked most of that time too. This isn't to say that I didn't have my times of silence - I did. I took a nap and then read silently after Mr. Timer said I had read for an hour. Hubby said my voice seemed to be better! Yeah! It must work!
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Some Somber SD Stuff
For more information about Spasmodic Dysphonia, go to The National Spasmodic Dysphonia Association's website. While there you might consider making a donation to help fund research on this disorder.
Hi All!
If you read my blog regularly, you know that I have a vocal disorder called Abductor Spasmodic Dysphonia. To review for anyone who isn't a regular reader (and why wouldn't you be??), Spasmodic Dysphonia, commonly called SD, is a neurological disorder in which the nerves connected to the muscles controlling the vocal cords somehow get the message to "freak out." That isn't a medical term but, that is basically what happens. The nerves tell the muscles to spasm and this causes problems. BIG problems.
The most common type of SD is ADductor. This means that the muscles which are spasming are the muscles which close the vocal cords. The spasms cause the muscles to basically "slam the vocal cords shut." Having the cords slammed tightly shut makes it difficult to get air past the cords which, in turn, makes it difficult to speak. A person who has ADSD sounds like he/she is being strangled from the inside.
The second type of SD, ABductor SD (which is the kind I have), means that the muscles which are spasming are the muscles which open the vocal cords. The spasms cause the muscles to hold the cords open and not let them close. Since it is vital to have the cords vibrate near each other in order to create the sound of a voice, people who have ABSD have difficulty talking. They sound like they are whispering all the time.
There are also combinations of the two types of SD in which the muscles controlling BOTH functions of the vocal cords spasm. Also, you can have a tremor thrown in for good measure which causes your voice to tremble.
Luckily, my ABSD is pretty straight forward. I was diagnosed in January of 2007 even though my symptoms started long before then. My ABSD was so bad that I didn't have any voice at all and, in fact, believed for a long time that I would NEVER speak normally again.
** During the period when I assumed that I wouldn't speak normally again I learned to speak utilizing a technique called Inhalation Voicing. I am not going to get into that in this post but, if you would like to know more about this, check out some of my previous SD posts or leave me a comment.
Through many months of pretty intense speech therapy I was blessed to actually recover pretty much all of my normal voice. Both my speech therapist and I are amazed. We think it is a mix of a miracle and hard work.
**Again, I have covered this part of the process in previous SD posts and won't detail it here.
Anyway, for the past couple of years I have been blessed with a pretty much normal voice. Of course, I continue to go to speech therapy and I continue to do my vocal exercises. There have been times when I have taken a few steps backwards mixed with some pretty incredible good times. SD is something that I wish I could forget but, each and every time I start to forget (and consequently lessen my exercises), SD returns to remind me that the two of us will be entwined in the dance of life for the rest of my life.
This fact was brought back to me once more yesterday when I had my speech therapy appointment.
In the past several weeks my life has changed a bit. The major change is that I stopped working as temporary secretary/receptionist/office manager/mother for my speech therapist and her three colleagues. This temporary job lasted about 9 months and I am thrilled to no longer have it because I can now focus on my classes and my poor, neglected kitties. However, this change in my working status also brought about a change in my daily vocal use.
My voice doesn't respond well to overuse but, apparently, it likes being used more than staying home and studying uses it. When I saw my speech therapist, Susan, yesterday she told me that my voice was declining. Declining! After all the blood, sweat, and tears I have put into it (okay - not really blood but the other two are quite literal)!
Can you imagine how upset/depressed I was?
True, there are things I can do to counteract this decline and I WILL be doing them. In fact, I have already started. BUT - it is not a good feeling to find out that your voice, which you recently didn't have at all, is declining. It makes you think - "I am going back to having no voice!" This thought is not exactly accurate because even if my voice declines it is unlikely that I will totally lose it again. BUT - still!
Yesterday wasn't a good day!
Trisha
Voice Update: Since this entire post is basically an update, I will use this space to let you know what I am doing to counteract this decline in my voice. First, I am continuing to be the local "Crazy Lady" by talking to myself all the time so my voice gets more work. Next, I am going to amp up my exercises (which I had already started to do when I realized what was going on). Then, I am going to make sure that on Wednesdays when I have class - which is American Sign Language and doesn't utilize my voice - that I find opportunities to use my voice more. I have already talked to my classmates about this and they are helping me out with this. They are SOOOOO sweet! Finally, I am going to return to my previous practice of reading out loud. I am not sure if I will record it like I previously did but, I will try to get at least two hours of reading in per day. Whew. Seeing it all laid out like that makes me tired! Just so you know - I am NOT sorry that I quit the job. I needed to focus on class. I just need to make some "adjustments!"
Hi All!
If you read my blog regularly, you know that I have a vocal disorder called Abductor Spasmodic Dysphonia. To review for anyone who isn't a regular reader (and why wouldn't you be??), Spasmodic Dysphonia, commonly called SD, is a neurological disorder in which the nerves connected to the muscles controlling the vocal cords somehow get the message to "freak out." That isn't a medical term but, that is basically what happens. The nerves tell the muscles to spasm and this causes problems. BIG problems.
The most common type of SD is ADductor. This means that the muscles which are spasming are the muscles which close the vocal cords. The spasms cause the muscles to basically "slam the vocal cords shut." Having the cords slammed tightly shut makes it difficult to get air past the cords which, in turn, makes it difficult to speak. A person who has ADSD sounds like he/she is being strangled from the inside.
The second type of SD, ABductor SD (which is the kind I have), means that the muscles which are spasming are the muscles which open the vocal cords. The spasms cause the muscles to hold the cords open and not let them close. Since it is vital to have the cords vibrate near each other in order to create the sound of a voice, people who have ABSD have difficulty talking. They sound like they are whispering all the time.
There are also combinations of the two types of SD in which the muscles controlling BOTH functions of the vocal cords spasm. Also, you can have a tremor thrown in for good measure which causes your voice to tremble.
Luckily, my ABSD is pretty straight forward. I was diagnosed in January of 2007 even though my symptoms started long before then. My ABSD was so bad that I didn't have any voice at all and, in fact, believed for a long time that I would NEVER speak normally again.
** During the period when I assumed that I wouldn't speak normally again I learned to speak utilizing a technique called Inhalation Voicing. I am not going to get into that in this post but, if you would like to know more about this, check out some of my previous SD posts or leave me a comment.
Through many months of pretty intense speech therapy I was blessed to actually recover pretty much all of my normal voice. Both my speech therapist and I are amazed. We think it is a mix of a miracle and hard work.
**Again, I have covered this part of the process in previous SD posts and won't detail it here.
Anyway, for the past couple of years I have been blessed with a pretty much normal voice. Of course, I continue to go to speech therapy and I continue to do my vocal exercises. There have been times when I have taken a few steps backwards mixed with some pretty incredible good times. SD is something that I wish I could forget but, each and every time I start to forget (and consequently lessen my exercises), SD returns to remind me that the two of us will be entwined in the dance of life for the rest of my life.
This fact was brought back to me once more yesterday when I had my speech therapy appointment.
In the past several weeks my life has changed a bit. The major change is that I stopped working as temporary secretary/receptionist/office manager/mother for my speech therapist and her three colleagues. This temporary job lasted about 9 months and I am thrilled to no longer have it because I can now focus on my classes and my poor, neglected kitties. However, this change in my working status also brought about a change in my daily vocal use.
My voice doesn't respond well to overuse but, apparently, it likes being used more than staying home and studying uses it. When I saw my speech therapist, Susan, yesterday she told me that my voice was declining. Declining! After all the blood, sweat, and tears I have put into it (okay - not really blood but the other two are quite literal)!
Can you imagine how upset/depressed I was?
True, there are things I can do to counteract this decline and I WILL be doing them. In fact, I have already started. BUT - it is not a good feeling to find out that your voice, which you recently didn't have at all, is declining. It makes you think - "I am going back to having no voice!" This thought is not exactly accurate because even if my voice declines it is unlikely that I will totally lose it again. BUT - still!
Yesterday wasn't a good day!
Trisha
Voice Update: Since this entire post is basically an update, I will use this space to let you know what I am doing to counteract this decline in my voice. First, I am continuing to be the local "Crazy Lady" by talking to myself all the time so my voice gets more work. Next, I am going to amp up my exercises (which I had already started to do when I realized what was going on). Then, I am going to make sure that on Wednesdays when I have class - which is American Sign Language and doesn't utilize my voice - that I find opportunities to use my voice more. I have already talked to my classmates about this and they are helping me out with this. They are SOOOOO sweet! Finally, I am going to return to my previous practice of reading out loud. I am not sure if I will record it like I previously did but, I will try to get at least two hours of reading in per day. Whew. Seeing it all laid out like that makes me tired! Just so you know - I am NOT sorry that I quit the job. I needed to focus on class. I just need to make some "adjustments!"
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Connection
Hi All!
Yesterday while I was at work I got the chance to talk to one of the clients. She is a young mother whose husband is in the military and is currently stationed at a base somewhere - not Fort Hood. She is a lovely person and we made a connection.
We got to talking about Susan, our mutual speech therapist. The woman was quite surprised that I was a patient of Susan's as well. We got to talking about why we saw Susan and it turns out that we both have Spasmodic Dysphonia (for more about Spasmodic Dysphonia see the National Spasmodic Dysphonia website). After the now normal expressions of disbelief because my voice sounds "so normal," the young woman and I began sharing experiences.
Talking about being absolutely mute and how people react to that brought tears to the woman's eyes. When she heard that I shared the same emotions and experiences as she, she started crying. She was so happy to find someone to share her experiences with who totally understood. We talked for about twenty minutes about things which helped me - including my amplified telephone (free from the state of Texas through the Department of Rehabilitation and Assistance) and my personal amplifier (brand name: Spokeman).
It turns out that this woman works for an insurance company and a part of her daily work involves talking on the phone for extended periods of time. This part of her day is absolute hell for her since she has to push her voice to be heard and then that makes her voice, already not too hot, worse.
This whole conversation made me thankful for what I have been given. Am I thankful that I have SD - no, not quite. However, I am thankful that my experiences with SD allow me to offer support and understanding to others going through the same thing. I am also thankful that my handful of readers have gained some understanding about SD through the reading of my blog and might, just might, share that information with other people that they know. Maybe the word about SD can be spread just a little through my efforts.
Trisha
Voice Update: My voice is doing pretty well. I have been bad about doing my exercises - while I was sick this weekend I totally forgot them and I haven't gotten myself back on track yet now that I am up and about. I made an audio cd of me reading different stories for the members of my ASL IV class so that they can listen to the stories and practice interpreting. Realizing that I hadn't actually listened to any of the finished CDs to make sure that they really worked, I popped my copy into my CD player as I drove home. I listened to about half of the CD. I had such mixed emotions. Yes, my voice sounded pretty good but I could hear many, many breaks and hesitations. Especially on words beginning with h or the hard c sound. That was a little depressing but - I guess people need to hear a "broken voice" and realize that I can still convey meaning with it. *sigh*
Yesterday while I was at work I got the chance to talk to one of the clients. She is a young mother whose husband is in the military and is currently stationed at a base somewhere - not Fort Hood. She is a lovely person and we made a connection.
We got to talking about Susan, our mutual speech therapist. The woman was quite surprised that I was a patient of Susan's as well. We got to talking about why we saw Susan and it turns out that we both have Spasmodic Dysphonia (for more about Spasmodic Dysphonia see the National Spasmodic Dysphonia website). After the now normal expressions of disbelief because my voice sounds "so normal," the young woman and I began sharing experiences.
Talking about being absolutely mute and how people react to that brought tears to the woman's eyes. When she heard that I shared the same emotions and experiences as she, she started crying. She was so happy to find someone to share her experiences with who totally understood. We talked for about twenty minutes about things which helped me - including my amplified telephone (free from the state of Texas through the Department of Rehabilitation and Assistance) and my personal amplifier (brand name: Spokeman).
It turns out that this woman works for an insurance company and a part of her daily work involves talking on the phone for extended periods of time. This part of her day is absolute hell for her since she has to push her voice to be heard and then that makes her voice, already not too hot, worse.
This whole conversation made me thankful for what I have been given. Am I thankful that I have SD - no, not quite. However, I am thankful that my experiences with SD allow me to offer support and understanding to others going through the same thing. I am also thankful that my handful of readers have gained some understanding about SD through the reading of my blog and might, just might, share that information with other people that they know. Maybe the word about SD can be spread just a little through my efforts.
Trisha
Voice Update: My voice is doing pretty well. I have been bad about doing my exercises - while I was sick this weekend I totally forgot them and I haven't gotten myself back on track yet now that I am up and about. I made an audio cd of me reading different stories for the members of my ASL IV class so that they can listen to the stories and practice interpreting. Realizing that I hadn't actually listened to any of the finished CDs to make sure that they really worked, I popped my copy into my CD player as I drove home. I listened to about half of the CD. I had such mixed emotions. Yes, my voice sounded pretty good but I could hear many, many breaks and hesitations. Especially on words beginning with h or the hard c sound. That was a little depressing but - I guess people need to hear a "broken voice" and realize that I can still convey meaning with it. *sigh*
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