When I was a little girl I was shy. Very shy. I didn't like talking to other people and would much have preferred to stay in my comfort zone with my books and my own imagination as company.
To friends and family I could be outgoing and even obnoxious (I am sure!) but, put me in front of people . . . and the shyness kicked in.
One example of this I remember clearly from my childhood involved some sort of hometown pageant. Mom had both my brother and I practicing little poems to recite before the committee. Then, on the appointed day, we headed to a local park where the judges sat in a pavilion. While I don't remember everything, I do remember standing up there frozen with fear. I think I cried. I also remembered that my mom was disappointed in me. I even remember being disappointed in myself. I knew that darn poem cold! (By the way, my brother did wonderfully and was chosen as the winner and got to ride in a parade!)
Soon, Mom must have decided that she had to do something about the shyness. This isn't something that we ever discussed at the time (we have since I have been an adult though) but I found myself in situations where I had to talk to people.
One distinct memory I have of Mom's "anti-shyness" efforts was when I was at a meeting for Rainbow Girls and there were many high ranking officials there. Mom took me aside and told me to go talk to one of them (probably the most important person there). I responded that I really didn't want to. Mom's answer? It was along the lines of "You WILL go and talk to so-and-so!" And - off I went with my heart pounding in my chest like it wanted out - fast.
Yes, I managed to talk to that person and many others through the years. Now, I can talk to anyone - no matter how important or how scary looking. In fact, many people claim that I would talk to the wall if it would talk back.
Most people who meet me these days have a difficult (if not impossible) time imagining me as shy. They say that there is no way I wasn't born with the outgoing personality that I show in public.
I am happy that people think I am outgoing. I am happy that I can talk to people in all different kinds of situations. I just wish it was easier for me to do so!
Even though I appear outgoing and friendly, the inside Trisha is still quivering with fear and dread at the mere thought of approaching new people and new situations. A tight knot forms in my stomach and a lump firmly lodges itself into my SD throat. To get through these feelings takes a lot of energy. However, I am so used to doing it by now that I hardly notice the energy demand.
Until I get home, that is.
Then I feel tired and cranky and just want to be left alone.
With all of the different situations I have been going into lately for my observations and all of the new people I am meeting, I guess it isn't too surprising that I fall into a "funk" once in a while.
It is just that I need to find a way to shorten the funky duration!
Voice Update: Still going strong! I am proud of myself - I am doing great with the massage and the exercises. SD and I are dancing along smoothly - no trod upon toes!