Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Procrastination

Hi All!

Ever since I can remember, I have been plagued with the propensity to procrastinate (and to alliterate!). Being very "head strong (stubborn?? No way!)" I found that procrastination put me in control of things I didn't want to do.

The teacher wants me to write a boring report of mythology? I don't want to do it so . . . put it off until the last possible minute and then cram to get it done.

Somehow, the teacher never figured out that it was done hastily. I had gotten away with it so I continued to practice procrastination. Or course, I totally understood that procrastination wasn't a good thing. I don't particularly like the pressure of knowing something is coming up and that I might not have time to finish my project properly. Much of the pressure came from the expectations others had for my performance. I was expected to do great things - creative, interesting, unique.

It is a lot of pressure to have people expect that kind of thing from you! The dislike of the pressure and the fear that I wouldn't live up to the expectations pushed me deeper into the world of procrastination. If I don't have to think about it . . . I don't have to worry about it. Right?

Wrong. Sort of. I am able to forget about projects for short periods of time but then they start to creep into the edges of my thoughts. They invade my dreams and wake me in the night. Then they decline to allow me to drift off to sleep again and keep me up, tossing and turning, while details of the project run endlessly through my head.

Currently, I am in full procrastination mode about a paper and presentation I need to finish for my ASL 3 class on Thursday. I am nervous about the presentation so I have put it off. Now that the time is running out and I am faced with limited time to both create and practice the presentation . . . I am feeling pressured!

I should tell you that as I have matured I have become much better with procrastination. Normally, I do things ahead of time now - even things I would rather not do at all. I have learned that procrastination - and the sleepless nights that come with it - isn't exactly my favorite past time. Take my classes - I am ahead in every single class and on every single project - except this one.

And what am I currently doing? Procrastinating by blogging, of course!

Trisha

Voice Update: Not too much to say - things are still going well. I am going to have to cancel my speech session for this week so I can stay home for the plumbers. Hubby said he would take another day off of work but he has already taken a bunch lately so . . . I am biting the bullet and taking one for the team!

Monday, February 2, 2009

Monday Miscellaneous

Hi All!

Well, the weekend is over and a new week has begun! I have FINALLY gotten myself back into my routine of walking and weights (day one today!) and I feel like I am getting back in control after last week with its water heater and phone issues.

Of course, I am not totally in control yet - the water heater isn't working quite right. We get nice, hot water at the beginning of the shower and then, after a minute, the water cools and you need to turn the hot water up. A minute later, the new hot water cools and you have to turn it up again. You keep doing this for the entire shower until the knob is turned as far as it can go.

For someone who likes hot showers, this is just not right!

The plumbers are coming back on Wednesday which means that I will be stuck here at home all day waiting for them. Fun, fun!

Our phone got fixed on Saturday. Apparently, the problem was that while the plumbers were working on the water heater they had bumped or moved or jostled something which caused the phone to "short" out. Nice, huh?

My parents are getting DSL. They have been living with dial-up internet and getting more and more frustrated with how slow the internet was for them. Normally, I talk to my mother each morning (except Sunday which is our day off) on Instant Message. Today, no Mom! I wonder if they are having problems with their DSL. I know that last night, when I called them to let them know that we had a phone again, they were having someone come out today to see what was going on. They had the "easy to install yourself" box which, as it turned out, wasn't so easy. Dad followed the directions and even called the support line for their help without any success.

Mom says that they are trying to compete with us for frustrating things going wrong. I don't know - I still think we win with the water heater AND the phone!

Today I am meeting my friend M for lunch at the mall. We meet once a month and today is the day. I am looking forward to a nice visit!

If you don't read my comments, check out Scott Adam's comment on Saturday's post. He is the creator of the Dilbert comic strip and also has SD. He recently had surgery for SD and is doing well. I don't know a whole lot about this surgery but I do know that it is only used for people who have the adductor type of SD - which, of course, I DON'T have!

Thanks for the comment, Scott!

Trisha

Voice Update: Still working the massage and exercise. The voice is doing okay but I am still having issues with drainage, sneezing, and coughing. Not too fun!

Saturday, January 31, 2009

The Psychology of It All

Hi All!

I read Arwyn's post yesterday and it has me thinking. I know that I have posted about similar things in the past but, I just have to say it again.

Spasmodic Dysphonia is such a "silent" disorder in more ways than the obvious. SD causes you to either totally lose your voice or to live with a voice which sounds nothing at all like your "normal" voice. The people around you notice this silencing. They notice that you are not talking as you once did. They notice that you don't talk much unless you have to. They notice that between Botox shots your voice rides that roller coaster of improvement and decline.

However, the part of SD which isn't observable is probably the most difficult to deal with: the psychological impact of SD.

People who don't have SD often minimize the psychological impact of the disorder. After all, it isn't like you are going to die if you have SD. You just have a problem with your voice! Sure, YOU try walking a mile in our shoes and then you will find out what it is really like!

First of all, you have to deal with the fact that you are "broken." No longer do you have a healthy voice. No matter if you have other ailments, the loss of voice hits you hard. After all, how many people ever dream that your VOICE could be taken away from you? The voice is the constant. No one really thinks about it too much but just takes its presence for granted. Suddenly, something is wrong and your voice isn't "right" anymore.

Next, you have to deal with the fact that there is no cure for SD. That means that you are broken and there is no way to "fix" you. In fact, science more of less ignores your problem (SD) because there are not many people who have the disorder (personally, I think 50,000 or more is enough) and the disorder doesn't "significantly impact daily life"(excuse me????).

So - you are "stuck" with this voice problem which has no cure and little research being done to find a cure. It feels like the medical profession has written your problem off as "insignificant." All of this makes you feel isolated. It makes you feel unimportant - at least in a medical sense. This causes a feeling of frustration.

Now, having a disorder which is incurable and which no one seems to know about (oh - did I mention that part? It is frustrating too!), you have to continue, as best as you can, your daily life. Your voice is no longer "normal" so people ask if you are sick ALL THE TIME. They ask if you have allergies ALL THE TIME. They treat you like you are infectious even after you assure them that you don't have a cold. After all, you must be lying because what else would make you sound so horrible?

Day after day you must deal with the same questions over and over and over again. Sometimes, you get the same questions from the SAME PEOPLE who asked them yesterday! These people start to give you "helpful suggestions" about how to take care of your voice. Drink tea with honey and lemon. Gargle with salt water. Drink plenty of water. Use this brand of allergy medicine.

As if any of that will help SD!

Mix in that you are basically unable to speak to people when in a noisy environment. Have you ever tried ordering food in a loud restaurant only to be asked to repeat yourself over and over and over? Then, when you still can't be understood, the waiter starts to treat you like a) you are stupid, b) you are deaf (interesting, don't you think?), or c) you don't exist.

Now you are dependent on other people to help you in social situations.

Finally (for this post - there is much, much more to dealing with SD), consider the telephone. Once an instrument that connected you to the entire world, it is now feared and dreaded. People on the other end can't hear you well enough to carry on a conversation. Every time the phone rings you hope someone else in the household will answer it so you don't have to. You feel isolated because of your inability to talk on the phone.

What does all of this do to a person psychologically? Well, basically, it rips every shred of self-confidence out of your body and throws it on the trash heap. It makes you feel as if you are not worth being heard. It makes you doubt your ability to think because you are unable to communicate your thoughts. It makes once sociable people into virtual hermits. Anxiety about talking in public or on the phone becomes a regular part of life. Frustration about your voice is a constant companion.

Depression creeps in to fill the void left by your self-confidence and it is darn difficult to get rid of!

SD is not just a physical or neurological disorder. It is also a disorder which deeply affects your psychological health in a negative way. Even the strongest of people are dealt with blows which are difficult to recover from.

It isn't a sign of personal weakness. It is a sign of just how horrible SD can be.

Trisha

Voice Update: Still doing pretty well but my allergies are really causing a lot of drainage. The drainage is causing a lot of coughing and sneezing which is causing my muscles to tense up. Not good for optimum voice production. I am continuing my massage and exercises. Onward!

Friday, January 30, 2009

If It Isn't One Thing . . .

Hi All!

Sorry I missed you yesterday but I had a killer migraine and since I also had classes all afternoon, I decided to sleep instead of blog. Luckily, the headache pretty much went away by the third class. The first two were a bit difficult but . . . I survived.

By the way, did you know it is tough to concentrate on sign language when your head hurts?

I am very glad that our hot water tank is now installed and functional. There are still issues with just how warm the water gets but I think that is just because we need to set the heat a bit higher. Hopefully. We will see.

That is one thing that is fixed. However, there is something else that is "hay-wire." Our telephone.

First of all, I should explain that we are old-fashioned. We don't have cell phones. Okay, that isn't exactly true but, we only have cell phones that are pre-paid and no one has our numbers since we only call each other. Also, the phones are not generally on unless we have prearranged it with each other. Is that as clear as mud now?

Okay - so, our phone isn't working. Apparently the ice storm we had here knocked out the line or something. The phone hasn't worked since Tuesday. The phone company says it won't be fixed until tomorrow, at the earliest. What a bummer!

If there was a real emergency, we can use our pre-paid cell phones to call someone but . . . how annoying!

Oh well! If it isn't one thing, it is another!

Trisha

Voice Update: Still doing well. I got the chance to explain SD to some new people yesterday at the college - which reminds me, I need to put more cards in my purse! I didn't do my exercises yesterday since I was asleep pretty much all day and when I wasn't I was still in pain. Not much of an excuse, is it?

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Cold Water Chronicles (Finale) and Ice, Ice, Baby!

Hi All!

Tuesday -

Well, the hot water dudes, as they will forever be known, finished the installation of the new tank around noon. Not really in time for me to take a shower before class since it would take at least an hour for the water to heat and I would need to leave for class around 12:30 or so! Rats!

The weather, however, came to the rescue. Due to the big ice storm which was being anticipated, my classes were cancelled! Great! I could stay at home and be smelly with Hubby, who had taken the day off from work to be home while the dudes installed the tank.

Once we knew that my classes were cancelled (which ended the big debate about if I went of not in the uncertain weather conditions), it was nap time as we waited for the water to heat! What a day!

After our nap, we cranked up the dishwasher which was full of pretty much every piece of silverware and dinnerware that we own and made a Digiorno pizza. A nice way to end the evening. The hot shower - it will wait until tomorrow morning but I did get nice hot water to wash my face before going to bed!

YEAH! I LOVE THE HOT WATER DUDES!

And now . . . the ice. During the evening yesterday, we got quite a bit of sleet tapping against our windows. That continued until about midnight (I was awake to hear it not tapping anymore). The temperature, which had continued to drop all day, was hitting the upper twenties when we went to bed and so Hubby and I snuggled under the covers and wondered what we would face when we got up in the morning.

Here is what we faced:














Isn't it pretty?
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It was hard to get good pictures of the ice as I was sliding down the yard - yes, the yard! I was in the grass thinking it would be easier to walk there than on the ice . . . wrong! I literally slipped and slid on the grass!
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Needless to say, I didn't walk this morning. I don't think I would have made it past my own yard before hitting the sidewalk several times!
ss
What a wonderful, winter wonderland! Of course, Hubby isn't at work because of the ice and we can't go anywhere until some of it melts!
ss
But at least we have hot water!
ss
Trisha
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Voice Update: Still doing well. I am doing my massage like a good girl and I was reading out loud yesterday to exercise my voice since I didn't talk too much during the day. What fun!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Cold Water Chronicles (part three)

Hi All!

Monday (continued) -

After a quick sponge bath, I headed off to ASL lab where I spent a good portion of the afternoon. Returning home, Hubby was fast asleep - a sure sign that he was not feeling well.

I made myself a panini and then settled in to watch most of the Chronicles of Narnia which I had on my dvr from before Christmas. It was a nice time as I watched, fast-forwarded through the commercials, and played with the kitties. Soon I began thinking about dinner.

Soon I was whipping up a "skillet meal" which is just all kinds of stuff in a skillet cooking together. Last night it was ground meat (beef and turkey), pasta (mini farfalle), carrots, broccoli, Parmesan cheese, a little cream cheese, a little milk, and seasonings. It ended up being pretty good and was just the ticket for a cold, rainy night (in my mind anyway!).

After dinner I was faced with the growing mountain of dishes which needed to be hand washed. Not having any hot water was a super excuse to not wash them but now the kitchen was beginning to look like I had emptied all my cabinets and left everything on the counter. It was time to wash dishes.

The microwave was soon busy heating water as I organized the washables into categories, which to be washed first, second, etc. I was trying to be strategic so that I could optimize the hot water. As the water was heated I slowly began washing - small thing first since the amount of water was minimal and then larger things as I added more warm water.

It was wash dishes, rinse (in cold water), get more warm water from the microwave, wash dishes, rinse in cold water, get more warm water from the microwave. What fun! Luckily, Hubby felt well enough to help out by drying the multitudes of dishes I washed. I did say that I had a mountain of dishes to wash, right?

After dinner it was time for the next challenge - washing hair. Both Hubby and I felt a bit . . . well, greasy . . . because we hadn't washed our hair since Friday morning. It was more microwaved water and trips to and from the bathroom for the non-wet person. It wasn't the best thing ever but it seemed to work and we both now have clean hair!

What a relief!

Tuesday -

It is cold and rainy here with the threat of an ice storm. The threat has paralysed the metro-plex with multiple school closings (I haven't seen that my college is closed yet) and all kinds of special weather reports. Ice in Texas is a serious thing because we don't have salt trucks (we DO have sand trucks which help not that much) and we have miles and miles of soaring overpasses. Also, we have a multitude of people who will slow to a crawl in rain but speed up to insane speeds on ice. Go figure.

Anyway - as Hubby and I went to bed last night we were a little worried that the threat of ice would keep the water heater dudes from coming this morning. That would mean even MORE sponge baths and hair washing ordeals! It took me a while to doze off while worrying about if I would get a nice hot shower before going to class or not. Of course, I didn't think about the class possibly being canceled due to the ice.

I decided not to walk this morning when I woke up to 33 degree temps and rain. I know - I am a wimp but sleeping in felt soooo good! I slept for an additional hour - heaven! While I was dozing, the water heater dudes called Hubby and said they were on their way! Hooray!

When I got up, the dudes were at the house and were ready to rock and roll. They had to get a permit from the city (huh? The other guys who installed this heater didn't get a permit!) and promised me a hot shower shortly! WOW! My heroes!

As I am typing this I can hear clunking and banging and sawing (??) up in the attic. I am thrilled!

Trisha

Voice Update: Still doing well. My massage is getting done and so are the exercises. My only question - why am I so darn tired???

Monday, January 26, 2009

Cold Water Chronicles (Part Two), etc.

Hi All!

Monday -

I just swept into my house on a gust of cold air from my morning walk. Peeling off a coat, scarf, mittens, and earmuffs, I headed into the bedroom where Hubby, sick with a head cold and stomach issues, is still in bed. As I continue to peel layers, sweatshirt, turtleneck, jeans, thermals, Hubby informs me that he has good new and bad news.

Uh-oh!

It turns out that the plumber had called and they had found a replacement tank for us (that is the good news). However, they won't be able to get the tank until tomorrow morning (that, in case you can't tell, is the bad news!). Darn, darn, darn!

As I stood there looking at Hubby all sweaty from my walk and knowing that I would sweat more during my weight routine, all I could think of was, "Great! Now I will really stink!"

I just hope that the tank is up and running so I can shower tomorrow before going to class!

To be continued . . .

The Etc. part:

Yesterday I made a trip to the grocery store. This is something that I normally do on Mondays but we had NO food in the house other than canned staples and frozen meet so, off I went! Yeah! Hubby was gone last week and so I didn't go to the store to buy stuff for only me. That means that I had a LOT of shopping to do! We were out of almost everything that we normally eat. I absolutely hate grocery shopping when you have to get "everything!" My cart filled up and then, at the check-out, the bill added up fast! At least Hubby carried everything in from the car!

Lately I have been reading magazines. Lots of magazines. They seem to pile up as I am immersed in my current book and every once in a while I need to put off the book pile to take care of the magazines.

Smithsonian is one of my favorite magazines. My friend, D, gives me her Smithsonians when she is done with them (hey - doing my part for the planet) and I devour them. They are full of such interesting stuff. The two I read yesterday both had articles about archeology in Turkey. Cool stuff.

After the Smithsonians I will hit my National Geographics. I love the information in the magazines but they just seem to pile up quickly.

What is piling up around your house?

Trisha

Voice Update: I did my massage and exercises yesterday despite the water heater "drama." My voice is doing well. I must keep on keepin' on with my exercises though!